This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
being pregnant is like rehab
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
