In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me I should be a condom model.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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