Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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