he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
