M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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