He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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