My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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