we're chasing vodka with high fives
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
