You really coming over, don't trick.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
