If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
