I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
