3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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