Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
