I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
