omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
