If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
