I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize