Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
