hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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