just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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