taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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