I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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