I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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