There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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