are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Actions speak louder than pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
