I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
