I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
