Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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