why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
