I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
