brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
