I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
