i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
