Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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