his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
