I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
