new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
