you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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