i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
