Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
as a side note pls kill me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize