I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize