Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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