is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize