I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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