can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
