so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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