she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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