I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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