He uses pillows to masturbate.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
