i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
