I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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