I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
