a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
