I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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