Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
