My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize