Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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