In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
