they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
