I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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