So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
