Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
