if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
