Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
