I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
