i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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