physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
