where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
