Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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