Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
