My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
