I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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