omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
