I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize