Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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