just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
