Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
