i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
